One way to avoid mildly horrifying/mortifying sexual encounters

I got ‘negged’ at a party on Friday night, which, if you are not familiar with it, is a technique advocated by The Game, which is a book which I recommend that you read if you are interested in advice that is the opposite of all I have to offer. So, you know, not at all.

Anyway, the idea is that if you are mildly insulting to someone who you fancy, they will be intrigued and indifferent and all kinds of exciting frisson will ensue. Or, you know, they will refuse to talk to you ever again. (As far as I can see, the idea behind ‘negging’ is that women like to be treated badly by men, which is sort of like a very anodyne version of saying that women appreciate being victims of domestic violence. Awful.)

Now, anyone who has ever engaged in flirting (yes, all of you, again) will be aware that a wee bit of teasing banter will go a long way. But the fact of the matter is that it is motivated by insecurity: if I’m horrible to this adorable person and then they don’t find me adorable back, then I will save face because it won’t be apparent that I LOVE her/him, because I’m being a jerk. It’s an adult version of pulling pigtails, and it’s pretty lame.

Here’s the thing, girls and boys (and I know a lot of you reading this are boys, even if you hastily click off the screen if anyone walks past): if you like someone, and express this to someone through being nice, as opposed to hostile, towards them, and they don’t respond in kind, then perhaps they don’t reciprocate your feelings. But that doesn’t make you a hapless loser; it just makes you a stand-up kind of person. Result? Fewer bedpost notches and more meaningful relationships: stand-up kinds of people are statistically less likely to have mildly horrifying/mortifying sexual encounters based on mutual self-loathing and low self-esteem that cause lonely sessions of whisky-drinking and regret to ensue.

But you know, if you like that kind of thing, carry on.